


Luke, I Am Your Father

by madamelibrarian, Mrs_SimonTam_PHD



Series: Loving Heart [58]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angels, Angels have parents, Anger, Angst, Childhood Memories, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Family Secrets, Fledgling Castiel, Grieving Michael, Identity Reveal, M/M, Memory Alteration, Mpreg, Parenthood, Plot Twists, Recovered Memories, Reveal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-28
Updated: 2018-07-28
Packaged: 2019-06-17 19:03:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,314
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15467961
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/madamelibrarian/pseuds/madamelibrarian, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mrs_SimonTam_PHD/pseuds/Mrs_SimonTam_PHD
Summary: A errand up in Heaven results in Castiel finding out a secret that was so deeply buried that those closest to him wished he would never learn of it. Now what will he do with the knowledge that he's been given?





	Luke, I Am Your Father

**Author's Note:**

> This is a long time in the making. I hope you enjoy the twist. This probably is one of L's favorite headcanons. 
> 
> Come an check us out on tumblr. I'm Madamelibrarian and L is lucibae-is-dancing-in-hell. 
> 
> Our beta is samwise-the-true-hero and her editor's notes give me life.
> 
> Bold text is spoken Enochian.

It was five months after Lucifer revealed that he was pregnant with twins and he was resting on the couch, going over musical scores and he scowled. “Castiel?” he asked, wincing as his body twisted. The twins didn’t like that, having kicked his Grace in retaliation for making them uncomfortable. “Could you run up to the choir room and grab the latest score off of my podium for me, please?”

Castiel looked up from the book he’d been reading, Gabriel and Sam having left him to look after Lucifer while they took Mary clothes shopping. “Will you be alright while I’m gone?” he asked, shutting the book. 

“I should be,” Lucifer assured him, “I’m comfortable where I’m at and so are the fledglings. We’ll be fine.” 

“I won’t be long,” Castiel said before disappearing. 

Lucifer smiled and relaxed into the couch, picking up a different score while he waited for Castiel’s return. 

**.oOo.**

Castiel entered Heaven’s choir room and leafed through the scores that were neatly stacked on the conductor podium. Reading a few of the lyrics, he smiled in his quiet way at the memory it invoked of simpler, purer times before the apocalypse. He’d never been a part of the choir for his voice was too low and rough to be of any melodious addition but it didn’t stop him from humming along when he heard them practice in his youth. 

An angel poked his head in and sniffed disdainfully. “Hell’s Angel send you?” he drawled. 

Castiel looked up and shook his head, “A biker gang did not send me. Lucifer requested that I retrieve some music for him.” 

The angel snorted. “Oh, so instead of coming up here, he sent his hellish spawn to do it, like the coward he is,” he sneered. 

“Lucifer is no coward and I’m not from Hell.” Castiel gathered up the papers he needed and faced the angel with a tilt of his head, “What concerns me is that your perception seems to be impaired to mistake me for a demon. Are you feeling well?”

The angel laughed cruelly, “Listen,  _ child, _ we all know whom you are. Your mama’s nothing but a coward, and Daddy’s no longer here.”

“I don’t have a mother. I came from our Father as did many of us.” Castiel decided that the angel in his presence was disturbed or only wished to cause trouble, so he pushed his way past him in an effort to leave. 

The angel sneered, “Then, tell me, does the phrase  _ my little moonlight  _ mean anything to you, you ignorant sheep?”

Castiel stopped and turned a stunned expression toward the angel. The phrase did have a ring to it. Something he couldn’t place in all of his vast memory, but his immediate concern was his hostile brother, “Perhaps you should meditate on why you are so angry and pray for revelation from our Father. It doesn’t befit an angel to attack another, unwarranted.”

“Not  _ our  _ Father,” the angel leaned in close to Castiel, “ _ My  _ Father.  _ Your  _ grandfather.” Sniffing at the blue eyed angel like a dog, the angel continued in a growl, “You smell like your pitiful mother and human filth.”

Bewildered by what the angel was implying, Castiel laid a hand on his shoulder and gently pushed him out of his face, “Peace be with you, Brother.” Turning on his heels, he marched down the hall, turning random corners as what the angel said swirled around in his mind.  _ ‘Not our Father.’ _ And then an older memory of Naomi speaking to him,  _ ‘You were broken from the very beginning. Always had a crack in your chassis.’’  _ Castiel stopped and shut his eyes against the memory of his sister, the one who’d forced him to kill so many replicas of Dean that he’d lost count. Then he remembered something far older, it was almost like a whisper through it all. Lucifer smiling down at him lovingly and his mouth moving without words, but Castiel felt enveloped in love and adoration. He opened himself wider to try and grasp tighter to the memory, to see where it fit but it slipped away as quickly as it’d appeared, leaving him feeling cold and alone in the core of his being. 

Leaning against the wall, Castiel took a shuddering breath as he tried to overcome the feeling of isolation but all he could hear was the laughter of his garrison as they shared some secret amusement that he always suspected was at his expense. It’d been why he’d worked so hard to be the best soldier he could, so he could show them that he was not something to be made a sport of. As he gathered his thoughts another memory came to him, a voice that sounded like Michael’s, whispering in Enochian **_‘He’s beautiful. Our little Castiel looks so much like you, Lucifer. Beautiful like you.’_**

The sheet music fluttered to the ground, forgotten, as Castiel flew home with a speed he’d not used since rescuing Dean from the pits of Hell. He appeared before Lucifer looking windswept and disturbed, his wings held up as if he’d exhausted them but would take flight again at a moment’s notice. 

Lucifer stood up and walked over to Castiel, cupping his cheek gently. “Castiel?” he asked gently. “Are you okay?”

The dark haired angel took a step out of Lucifer’s hold and looked at him wild eyed. “Little moonlight,” he whispered.

Lucifer’s eyes widened. “ **My little Moonlight,”** he whispered softly, “ **My sweet, beautiful little moonlight.** ”

Castiel looked betrayed as he held up his hand to keep Lucifer at bay, “I am… I am… not an angel. Am I? I feel as I am one but if I am your son as they said then how can I be… divine?”

“Because two angels created you, by the blessing of Father,” Lucifer whispered. “My Grace nurtured you, Michael’s Grace breathed life into you. And I carried you for a year before you were born with baby white wings, bright blue eyes, and a small tuft of Michael’s dark hair.” He gave a sad sort of smile. “Our little moonlight.”

“Destined to fall from grace,” Castiel murmured as he looked down at his hands and tightened them into fists. He couldn’t focus on a single thought as millennia of self doubt and years of post-fall loathing surfaced. 

“Destined to be the angel neither me nor Michael could be,” Lucifer corrected gently, “You have all the strength and strategy of Michael, but the sweetness and compassion that I had. The War between me and Michael destroyed your innocence, and then Naomi destroyed your memories. Your memories of me, of Michael. Of us being the  _ family  _ we were.”

Castiel turned his gaze upward to meet Lucifer’s, “I don’t remember. Not really. Naomi, she -Michael ordered it, condoned it. And if you hadn’t left you could have stopped it. You could have obeyed... I…I could have felt loved.” Castiel’s voice barely raised above a low murmur and when he’d finished, he disappeared from the bunker. The shove of his wings sending the stray papers around the room fluttering in all directions and Lucifer alone in the middle of the maelstrom. 

Lucifer nearly started crying. He sank to the floor, clutching his fledglings close to him with his Grace. Softly, in a voice filled to the brim with tears, he began to sing. 

“ _ Little moonlight, take flight among the skies. Little moonlight, don’t let your fears take wing. Your sunrise is coming, and the moon’s so sweet. Little moonlight.” _

When his tears had ended, he got up and made his way to the convent. Arriving at Michael’s door, he banged on it with an iron fist. When Michael answered, he shoved her inside and pinned her against the wall. 

“You  _ ordered  _ for  _ our  _ son’s memories to be wiped?” He hissed in a venom filled voice. “OUR son’s memories of  _ us? _ ”

Michael gripped Lucifer’s wrists in an effort to be released, “You don’t understand, Heylel. It had to be.” 

“Give me one good reason, Michael,” Lucifer hissed. 

She averted her eyes, turning her head so she wouldn’t have to look at Lucifer and remained silent. Michael couldn’t voice her reason for letting Naomi take Castiel’s mind. It could destroy what little relationship she had with Lucifer and Castiel all over again. 

Lucifer’s voice turned as hard as flint, into his General voice. “When I ask a question,  _ brother, _ ” he snarled, “I  _ expect  _ an answer. PROMPTLY.”

Michael squeezed her eyes shut, a lone tear slipping out of the corner, and shouted, “HE REMINDED ME OF YOU!”

“When you threw me into that Cage, I had  _ one  _ simple fucking request.  _ Take care of our moonlight. _ ” Lucifer released Michael. “And you  _ failed. _ Our moonlight grew up feeling  _ unloved.  _ You want to know what kept me  _ sane _ when I was down there? The memories I had of OUR son.” 

“I couldn’t, Heylel.” Michael wept as she hung her head, “Father forgive me but I couldn’t bear him asking for you and looking at me with your eyes. So I gave him to Naomi to be retrained and assigned to the garrison.” 

“So you asked for our son’s memories to be wiped because you couldn’t HANDLE life as a single parent.” Lucifer stated flatly. “It wasn’t enough that his innocence was  _ destroyed  _ by our war?”

“I saved him the disappointment of learning that his parents failed him.” Michael slumped in Lucifer’s grip, “That I’d failed to save you.” 

“We  _ still _ failed him, Michael. We  _ still  _ failed to provide for him. We failed to  _ protect  _ him and to nurture him.” Lucifer drew away from his sibling. “And now,  _ our son  _ is hurting and he left me weeping in the bunker because I bet you  _ anything  _ that there was an angel who brought up those memories. He blames not only  _ you,  _ but me for the fact that he no longer remembers.”

There was a muted cry in his Grace- he had disturbed his current children, the ones he was carrying and nurturing for another seven months and he closed his eyes to take in deep lungfuls of air.  _ Mea culpa, mea maxima culpa, my children,  _ he soothed the tiny bundles of Grace within his own.  _ Mama’s here. Mama’s okay. Mama will bring your brother home. _

“What’s done is done,” Michael said as she rubbed her arm where Lucifer had been holding her, “I can’t change it if I wanted to.”

**.oOo.**

“Cas, come on pick up your phone or your messages,” Dean said into the receiver of his cellphone for the third time in a hour. He’d come in from the garage to find the living room a mess and neither Castiel or Lucifer in sight. “I’m starting to worry, man. So call me,” Dean ended the call just as the main doors opened and Sam, Gabriel, and Mary Rose came in. 

“Wow, Unca Dean. You made a mess,” Mary Rose observed as she peered through the railing. 

Sam frowned as he descended the stairs, “What happened?” 

“Beats me,” Dean said as he started picking up scatter papers, “I finished the tune up on Baby and find world war seven in here but no Cas or Luci.”

Lucifer chose that moment to go inside. Ignoring his mates, Dean and Mary, he made his way up to the observatory. He slammed the door behind him and looked up at the stars. “Little Moonlight, please come home,” he whispered quietly, “Mama’s worried.”

All of them stared at the observatory door, but it was Dean who moved first, intent on finding out what happened to Castiel and the bunker. Knocking, he pushed his way inside before Lucifer could invite him in.

“Leave me alone, Dean,” Lucifer said automatically, staring outside. 

Dean sighed as he crouched beside the angel, “Normally I would but I’m worried about Cas and wondering what in hell happened to this place. Do you know what happened?”

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Lucifer said. 

“Tough shit. If this was a tiff between you and your mates I’d leave you be but this is my mate we’re talking about,” Dean stubbornly squared his shoulders, “So spill.”

“Sit, then,” Lucifer sighed. “On your ass, ‘cause you will want to.” 

Dean sat and glanced toward the doorway, finding it empty, he focused his attention on Lucifer, “I’m all ears, kiddo.” 

Lucifer took a deep breath and slowly let it out. “Castiel was born, not made, as an angel,” he said softly. “And today, he found that out. He also found out the parentage.”

“Okay, so I take it he didn’t like who that was.” Dean narrowed his eyes slightly, “Please tell me it wasn’t Zachariah. I might throw up a little if it was him.”

Lucifer chuckled. “No, no, two angels far, far older than Zachariah. Zachariah was barely an adolescent when Castiel was born.” He sighed. “You’re looking at one of the parents right now.”

If Dean would have been drinking at that moment, he would have choked, but thankfully that wasn’t the case and the news left him gaping at Lucifer like he’d grown another head. “And the second?” he finally asked when his brain came back online. 

“You’re gonna like this even less,” Lucifer sighed. “Michael. Michael’s the giver, the ‘Father’ if you will.”

Bowing his head, Dean pinched the bridge of his nose. Of all the things Lucifer could have told him in his lifetime, this was the least expected and he could understand why Castiel would be upset by it. They had all worked past Lucifer’s role in the apocalypse or at least saw him for more than the proverbial villain but they, especially Dean, hadn’t gotten to the same place with Michael. "Ok, so let me get this right. Not only can you overgrown light bulbs get pregnant, but you and prince bitch are Cas' grace donors?" He was still struggling with the concept of pregnant angels and wasn’t sure if he’d ever get used to the idea. 

"That's a very... tactless way of putting it, Dean," Lucifer said with a sigh. “But for the general purpose of it, yes, we are his Grace donors.”

“You guys really know how to kick a guy in the nuts, don’t you?” Dean raised his face toward the sky.

“I wasn’t going to tell him!” Lucifer protested. “Naomi wiped those memories from him and I... I didn’t want him to feel  _ any  _ worse than he already did. He said he was destined to fall because of me and Michael being his parents. He finished his transition to adulthood feeling unloved.”

“What do you expect? You pulled a Vader in Cloud City on him.”

“ _ I  _ didn’t do it. I just confirmed it because I’d rather  _ die  _ than lie to my son.”

“No, I suppose you wouldn’t but Cas is still is off somewhere and not answering his phone or prayers.” Dean turned a frown toward Lucifer, “I know I’d be pretty damned upset finding this out, no matter who was the one to let the cat out of the bag.”

“I understand he’s hurt. I understand he’s upset. I understand and can relate to  _ all  _ of these things. And I’m  _ furious  _ at Michael. He... He fucked up the  _ one  _ request I had before I was thrown into the Cage. It was simple, direct. Look after Castiel.  _ Look after our moonlight, Micha.  _ And he said he would.” Lucifer stood up suddenly and paced around the room, folding his hands behind his back.

“Wasn’t that kinda like leaving a baby with his crack addicted mother?” Dean snorted, “Michael was too focused on being a good boy to the prophecy to give a damn. Not sure which was worse, your faith in Michael or your telling Cas about it.” 

“Like I had a choice in  _ either matter,  _ Dean!!” Lucifer shouted. “Father  _ banished  _ me from Heaven. I couldn’t raise Castiel on Earth, as much as I would’ve loved to! And I CERTAINLY couldn’t have raised my son in the Cage! It’s no place for me, much less a child. And what if you had to tell Sam something as important as that, hmm? And he asked about it. Would you lie to him? Or would you tell him the truth?!”

“You mean like when he was seven and asking where dad was? Why he missed birthdays, Christmas and school things?” Dean counted off on his fingers and then let his hand drop,  “Nope, I have no clue what it’s like. So please tell me more about how to not hurt my family.”

"Like I would do anything to truly hurt Castiel!" Lucifer’s wings fluffed up even more in agitation and distress. "For an ape you're a fairly stupid one. Why else would I have spared Castiel countless of times when I was dark? Why else would I have been able to use him -another angel, I might add- as a Vessel, and not cause any true damage? The one time I did hurt him was because of the fact that he hurt my brother- his father - and you know how damn well protective of my big brother I am."

"Well fix it!” Dean shouted as he stood and jabbed a finger into Lucifer’s shoulder, disregarding the fact he was facing off with an archangel. “We…he didn't ask for some great reveal. He was content knowing that Chuck was the only deadbeat dad he had for years but now…," Dean huffed as he gave up the fight and shoved his hand in his pocket to dig out the keys to the Impala, adding sadly,  "At least you stuck around for Rosemary." 

Lucifer grabbed Dean by the arm. "I  _ was _ there for Castiel," he said quietly. "I was there for his first steps, his first words. I held him, changed him, fed him. Saw his hair become like his daddy's and his eyes like mine. I saw the perfect mix of me and my brother. I was content with leaving him in the dark. I didn't… I didn't want to tell him. Not after Naomi had erased it. It would've hurt him too much. You want someone to blame, blame the overgrown idjit who called him Hellspawn. I'm not lying to my child. Ever. I am not a liar, Dean, and you know that."

"No, you’re not." Dean jerks his arm out of Lucifer's grip, "But Michael allowed what happened after you fell and I might not be happy with you right now, I'll forgive you, eventually. But him? Never. Not after this and everything before."

Lucifer remained silent. "I don't know what happened to my son after I Fell. My last words to Michael were to take care of him as if I was there. Michael raised him to be a soldier, but you brought out me in him." He looked at Dean dead on. "You brought out what Naomi forced him to forget about; the fact that he was the son of the two strongest Archangels in existence. You brought out the compassion and the love that I have always shown my family. Always. Castiel didn't just lose his fathers in the War. He lost his innocence. And you... you brought that back." He cracked his neck. "I understand if you never forgive Michael. What my brother did to our son was cruel. But understand this: my brother means more to me than you can possibly fathom. He gave me a child. He gave me the reason why I fought so hard. And he's trying to learn. Trying to learn what he did was wrong. Trying to learn to forgive not only everyone who wronged him, but himself." He brushed past Dean. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go find my son."

**.oOo.**

****

Castiel stood at the edge of the footbridge watching the steam below gurgle its way through the water worn stones. He reached in his pocket for what felt like the hundredth time to silence his phone. He didn't want to turn it off for fear of worrying Dean if the human tried to trace him, but he wished to be alone with his thoughts. He knew he'd reacted poorly toward Lucifer but the truth was, it was a bitter pill to swallow. It couldn't be expected of him to greet revelations of that magnitude with a joyful smile and open arms, even if he did regret hurting his brother...no...parent. Merely thinking the word made Castiel feel the anger bubble up once more.

Lucifer softly landed behind Castiel, knowing exactly where he’d find his son, and he stood a ways away from him, enjoying the scenery and waiting for Castiel to speak, not pushing him. 

“Surprising,” Castiel said without moving, “I would have thought Gabriel would be the one sent to fetch me.” 

“Gabriel doesn’t know I’m here. The only person who knows that I left to come find you is Dean,” Lucifer said quietly. “Not to mention that this isn’t something that Gabriel could talk about with you. After all, in a way, it isn’t his place.”

“That hasn’t stopped him before.” Castiel squared his shoulders and turned to face Lucifer, “So you’re here. I presume you wished to speak to me.” 

“Only if you want to,” Lucifer said honestly. “If you’d rather bury the information you learned today and never speak of it again, I do not blame you.” He stuffed his hands into his pockets. “I wouldn’t blame you at all.” 

“That would be the easiest road, but it wouldn’t change the fact that I am different.” 

“You’re only different because of me and Michael,” Lucifer said softly. “There are plenty of angels in Heaven who were created by angelic Grace instead of being created by Father. You’re different because of me and my brother.” 

“No, Lucifer,” Castiel calmly faced the water once more, giving his fellow angel his back, “I’m different because I was left behind.” 

“Only because of my arrogance and pride,” Lucifer said softly. “I never wanted to leave you behind, Castiel. If I could’ve raised you on Earth I would have. But I wouldn’t have taken you into the Cage. And I may’ve been a bad parent, but I did my best.” 

“You’re best wasn’t good enough.” In an uncharacteristic display of white hot rage, Castiel slammed his fist into the stone railing of the bridge, cracking the limestone. “I remember every reorientation. They thought they could wipe away that pain, but I still feel it from time to time. Like swallowing suns. But it wasn’t nearly as bad as being told that the angel, the general who ordered it was responsible for your creation. That everything I knew was wrong and the Father I adored and worshipped wasn’t mine at all.”

“If I could have saved you from that, I would have,” Lucifer said in a voice near tears. “If I could have put aside my arrogance and my pride and have raised you the way you should have been raised...if Michael and I could have put aside our differences, I would have raised you more.”

“You wouldn’t have Sam or Gabriel. And I wouldn’t have Dean.” Castiel sighed as he dragged his fingers over the crack beneath his palm. 

“My only regret in my very long life,” Lucifer said, “Is the fact that I had to leave you behind when I went to the Cage. That I couldn’t protect you from the reorientations and the despair and the feeling of being unloved. That I told Michael to take care of you while I was gone,  _ banished  _ from our home, and that he didn’t. That I wasn’t a good parent to you. And if I could turn back time, Castiel, I would’ve accepted humanity, however bitterly, and kept raising you. No, we wouldn’t have had our mates, or we would have had different ones, but I just wanted to raise my son.” Lucifer looked away. “Is that such a bad thing to regret? To regret not being a good parent because of yourself? To regret not being able to reconcile a difference, if only for the sake of a child?” 

“They say regret is a step toward atonement.” Castiel murmured, “Is this something that can be atoned for?” 

Lucifer carefully stepped into Castiel’s space and gently laid a hand on his wrist. “Is being my son such a bad thing?” he asked softly. “Is being my son the worst thing that you could be?”

Castiel regarded the Archangel for a moment before speaking, “No, but living for eternity with black holes in my memory where you and Michael should be is. I’d rather be human and grow old with Dean and be done with the power plays and pettiness of the host.”

“Would you like those memories back?” Lucifer asked softly. “I can give that back to you, if you want.” 

“They would be your memories, not mine.” 

Lucifer was silent for a moment before he held out his palm, Grace flashing briefly before a small box appeared into his hand. “I found them. Yours. All yours, of our nest. Of when...of when I was an actual parent to you.” 

Castiel’s eyes narrowed at the box and he reached out a tentative hand as if he were going to touch it but quickly snatched it back at the last moment, “Where did you find this? I would have thought it would have been destroyed.” 

“Naomi’s old office,” Lucifer whispered. “I found it on one of my trips to Heaven that didn’t involve choir practice or talking to Father. I knew it was yours the moment I saw it. I took it just... just in case you ever wanted to remember. But Castiel, I never told you after we reunited and created a friendship and brotherhood. It would’ve hurt you too much. And I’d rather die than hurt you. But when you asked, I couldn’t lie to you. I  _ wouldn’t  _ lie to you.” 

Laying a hand on top of the box, Castiel kept it there as he considered the choice. “May I think about it?”

“Of course,” Lucifer said softly. He gently rested a hand on top of Castiel’s. “If you want to talk more about it, and we’re back in the bunker, come find me. Even if it’s simple questions, I want you to know that I won’t treat you differently just because this came to light. You’ve always been my little moonlight, and I won’t do anything that would make you uncomfortable.” 

Feeling a bit of calm return as Lucifer cradled his hand, Castiel looked up with a small sly smile, “Unlike when you performed fellatio on my mate and failed to provide photographic evidence?”

Lucifer laughed warmly and nodded. “Unlike that,” he agreed. “I mean, I could always show you my memory of performing fellatio on Dean, if you would so desire.”

“No, thank you.” Castiel said as he drew the box of memories toward him, “I believe I have that skill well in hand.” 

Lucifer smiled and wrapped an arm around Castiel’s shoulders. “We okay, Castiel?” he asked softly. 

“I suppose we are.” Castiel looked down at the box and sighed, “I apologize if I upset you earlier.”  

“It was a natural reaction, Castiel,” Lucifer soothed. He gently kissed his temple and squeezed him close. “I’m open to talk about it anytime you are, or about anything at all.” 

“I appreciate that but it may take some time for me to do that.” Castiel admitted. 

“I’m a very patient angel,” Lucifer smiled. “It’s not a one time offer.”

Castiel nodded in understanding, his eyes falling to the slight swell of Lucifer’s belly. In that moment he was struck with what everything that was and had been brought to light meant. Laying a hesitant hand on Lucifer’s abdomen, Castiel’s grace barely touched the surface, “I’m to be a brother. A real brother.” he said in awe as he watched his fingers spread wide as if trying to encompass the entirety of the fledglings growing within. 

Lucifer smiled and gently rested his hand over Castiel’s, feeling his childrens’ Grace intermingle. “You always were a real brother, Castiel,” he whispered. “But if you mean you’ll have siblings who share half of your Grace DNA, then yes.” 

Castiel took a breath and it would have been clear to anyone who knew him that he was moved far deeper than his expression showed in that moment, “I have much to show you, little ones. Things I dare not show Mary Rose because she’s mostly human, but wish I could.” 

Lucifer smiled and straightened as he felt a kick. “Oh!” he gasped softly, eyes widening in surprise. “Did you feel that?” he asked.

A rare smile spread across Castiel’s face, “It was a strong one. It didn’t harm you, did it?”

“Nah, just surprised me is all. They’ve been mostly still,” Lucifer said with a chuckle. “You gave some pretty strong kicks yourself. Nearly broke my rib once.”

“According to Dean I still kick in my sleep.” Castiel withdrew his hand and looked out at the horizon, “Can we stay here for a little longer, I don’t feel ready to go back and answer the questions I know are waiting for us.” 

“Of course. Do you mind if we sit? My back is starting to ache,” Lucifer said, gesturing to the end of the footbridge.

Castiel took hold of Lucifer’s elbow and helped him to the spot, even though the older angel probably didn’t need it, and eased him into position. Sitting beside him, the Seraph placed the small box in his lap and stroked the top of it, “Will it hurt to get them back?”

Lucifer nodded. “Unfortunately. It’s better when someone’s there, though. It’s a bit like when you feel your Grace gets touched in the wrong way for the first time. Fire and ice and pain.”

Inwardly cringing at an older memory of his time in the Garrison when that very thing had happened, he gripped the box a little tighter, “That is good to know.”

“But when everything’s settled in. . . Pieces fall into place. Puzzles are completed. It’s like seeing the world in high definition after viewing it on a crappy 50’s style black and white.” He sighed and rested a hand on his stomach again, rubbing his thumb in slow, even circles.

“I assume you told Dean?” Castiel asked softly. 

“Yes, and I honestly thought he was going to punch me,” Lucifer said. “Gabriel, of course, knows what happened. Sam knows I’ve been pregnant once before, but he believes you died in Michael’s and my War.” He looked over at Castiel. “Although, if we’re truly honest, you were a casualty. What Michael and I did destroyed not just us, but you as well. Maybe a life wasn’t taken, but your innocence and your memories were, and what is a life but innocence and memories?”

Castiel looks at him quizzically with a tilt of his head, unsure if Lucifer remembered. “But I did die. Multiple times during the apocalypse.” 

“Yes, I suppose you did,” Lucifer said softly. “That’s not the War. The War. . . the War is what lead up to my Fall from Grace... the War ended with me being thrown into the Cage. Michael kept you safe up until then, and then...” Lucifer’s jaw clenched tightly.

“And then what has been done cannot be undone. I’ve tried and failed miserably.” Castiel ran a finger over the clasp on the box, “The garrison. The Leviathan. Pacifism. Then letting you possess me. It never felt like I truly atoned until I let it all go and stopped trying so hard.”

“What I’ve learned about atonement is that there is always something new to atone for,” Lucifer sighed. “Big things and small things. You’re never done atoning. Atoning is a part of life. It’s finding ways to bring yourself peace and find forgiveness in yourself that is the hard part. And, more importantly, finding those ways that are healthy.”

“If only the host would learn that simple truth.” Castiel looked up into Lucifer’s eyes, “Would you do something for me, in case this goes wrong?” he says with a slight nod toward his lap. 

“Of course, little moonlight,” Lucifer smiled gently. 

“Don’t let Dean blame himself or you. Don’t let him push the family away and drown his sorrow in alcohol.” Castiel started to open the box, “Tell him I love him.”

Lucifer placed a gentle hand on Castiel’s shoulder and scooted closer to him. “I promise, little moonlight. And I’ll be here.”

Light surrounded them as the memories escaped their prison. Like wisps of smoke, they circled around Castiel until the first one burrowed into him and all he could hear was a baby crying. 

_ “Hush, little moonlight, _ ” Lucifer’s voice came through gently, a younger Lucifer, one that didn’t sound burdened by everything he had done. “ _ Oh little moonlight, my beautiful little moonlight. _ ”

Michael’s voice, strong and commanding. “ _ He’s perfect, Luka. Just perfect and beautiful. You’re both beautiful. How are you feeling _ ?” 

“ _ A little weak, but I should be fine. Little Castiel and I will be just fine, won’t we moonlight? _ ”

Hazy at first, Lucifer’s young visage came forth, on it was written utter love and adoration. “ _ Oh, Micha! His eyes. . . _ ”

“ _ Just like his beautiful Mama’s, _ ” Michael smiled, the face of young John Winchester swimming through. “ _ We’ll just have to see if he’s as unruly as you were. _ ” 

There was a soft brush of Lucifer’s lips against his forehead, chaste and loving all at once. 

“ _ Little moonlight, take flight among the skies. Little moonlight, don’t let your fears take wing. Your sunrise is coming, and the moon’s so sweet. Little moonlight.” _

This was a different memory, curled up against Lucifer’s chest as his Mama sang to him and held him close. He was sleepy, but he loved being awake at this time, and even his Mama couldn’t put him to sleep. 

_ “Is he still awake? _ ” 

Lucifer turned to look at Chuck.  _ “He is, Father, but he’s quiet. I think he likes looking at the moon with Mama. _ ”

Chuck smiled gently. “ _ You have work in the morning, Morning Star. _ ”

“ _ My child’s more important. Dawn will come when she feels like it, and you know it, _ ” Lucifer’s voice held pride and warmth, everything he’s heard in Lucifer’s voice when he spoke to Mary. 

The memories kept flooding him, ranging from Lucifer teaching him how to fly by throwing him off a cliff to tending Lucifer’s garden with him, playing in the dirt and giggling as he watched the older angel work. There was even one where Castiel tried singing Lucifer’s latest composition, and Gabriel, being an older brother, laughed at him and Lucifer chided Gabriel. 

Some of them had darker tones. Fights with Michael, with Gabriel holding him close. Lucifer attempting to soothe him with close touches and lullabies. Standing up to Michael as a young angel and telling his father to take back what he said, that Mama wasn’t a monster. Lucifer blaming Michael for Gabriel leaving while holding him, inconsolable. Tears stung his eyes as he saw his parents both suit up to do battle in Heaven separately. 

“ _ Little moonlight, I need you to remember something for me. _ ” Lucifer, proud and beautiful in his full armor, kneeling before his son. 

_ “What, Mama? _ ” he asked. 

“ _ Remember that no matter what happens between me and your father, I will always love you, and care for you. Remember that, please?”  _

“ _ You’re not going anywhere, Mama!”  _ Throwing his arms around Lucifer, burying his face into the crook of his neck. 

“ _ I hope not, not if I have anything to say about it,”  _ Lucifer smiled, hugging him close and kissing his temple. “ _ I love you, little moonlight. _ ”

“ _ I love you too, Mama.” _

_ “Father, where’s Mama? _ ” Castiel tugged on the edge of Michael’s blood spattered armor trying to get his attention but the archangel looked hardened with a haunted look in his eyes. Finally after repeatedly calling for his ‘Mama’, Michael took Castiel into his arms and laid him in the nest.

_ “Go to sleep, Castiel. We’ll talk about it in the morning.”  _ He muttered before walking away to remove his armor. 

The memory faded away to be replaced with the last one. Castiel stood sullenly in the middle of a white room clutching the toy Lucifer and Michael had given him when they were all happy and Mama still sang him to sleep.  _ ‘Papa, I don’t wanna go to N’omi. She’s scary.” _

_ “It’s for the best, Castiel. It’s time you learned to be a proper angel. It’s the only way Mama will come back because someday you’ll rescue a special human and then everything will be happy again.”  _ Michael carefully explained and then gestured for Naomi to enter. She lifted Castiel into her arms and turned to leave the room. Castiel screamed for his father, his toy falling to the floor as his outstretched arms reached out for comfort and only received the cold, hard stare of a General and Viceroy of Heaven’s Armies.

Lucifer took a careful look at his son, reaching for him hesitantly. “Castiel?” he asked gently.

Castiel gasped as the last memory ended as he curled in on himself for a brief moment before letting out a heart wrenching sob, weeping for himself, his brethren and the parents he never really knew. 

“Castiel, may I hold you?” Lucifer asked softly, his heart yearning to comfort his child. 

He didn’t wait to say a word but threw himself into Lucifer’s arms, burying his face into the crook of the angel’s neck. 

“Shh, little moonlight, it’s okay,” Lucifer soothed, catching Castiel easily and wrapping his arms and wings around his son, holding him close. “It’s okay, it’s okay. It’s overwhelming, just let it out. Just let it out and let me hold you.”

**“Mama, I was so scared. Papa didn’t want me anymore and you didn’t come for me.”**

**“If I could have come and gotten you, little moonlight, I would have. I clawed at that Cage for eons, wanting nothing more than this again.”** Lucifer kissed the side of Castiel’s head and held him close.  **“I wanted you so badly, little moonlight. I cried for you.”**

Castiel clutched at him tighter as his wings unfurled and trembled beneath Lucifer’s hands,  **“Don’t leave again. Ever.”**

**“Not if I can help it, little moonlight. Not if I can help it. I didn’t want to leave.”**

**.oOo.**

Dean paced around the bunker’s living room, or rather what they’d set up as the living room, obscuring Gabriel’s line of sight with each pass, “How in hell can you and Sam be so damned calm about both of them disappearing like this?” Dean exclaimed. 

“Easy, I’m drinking my drink and watching Iron Chef. It’s kind of soothing to see what humans will come up when given squid ink and an onion.” Gabriel said a he leaned to the side to try and see around Dean’s form. 

Snatching up the remote, Dean turned off the TV and glared at the angel. 

Gabriel sighed as he sat back in his seat, “Listen, Cas and Luci are big grown up angels with wings and everything. If Sam and I had a panic attack every time one of them went out for the day we’d never get anything done and Mary would be a skittish kid.” He snapped his fingers, rendering Dean in pair of soft cotton pajama pants and a t-shirt that said, ‘I wish I was full of Tacos instead of emotions’. “Now sit down and shut up. I want to know if the tasters think that bull’s balls in a demi glace is worth all the hype.” 

The main door opened with a bang, followed by animated conversation interspersed with laughter. Dean bounded off the couch like he’d been shot out of a cannon and hurried over to the stairs just in time for Castiel to step off the bottom step. The hunter didn’t give the angel a moment to breath before he was pulling him forward to check him over for any of the wounds he’d imagined up. 

“Dean.” Castiel grunted as he was manhandled, “This isn’t necessary.” 

Lucifer smiled and just shook his head in amusement. “Let him do it, Castiel,” he murmured. 

When Dean finished he stood up straight and scowled at Castiel, “Don’t you ever run off and not answer your phone again. I had no clue what the hell happened to you or where you went or what was going on and…” 

Castiel silenced him with a simple kiss that lasted only a few seconds. When he drew back it was the barest inch that separated them, “I apologize for worrying you, but we have much to discuss and Lucifer needs his rest.” 

Lucifer smiled and gave Castiel’s shoulder a firm squeeze. “It’s time for my nap anyways,” he murmured. He gave a brief nod to Dean before starting to amble down to the nest, using a hand on the wall to steady himself. 

Gabriel not far behind him, waited until they were out of eyesight before scooping Lucifer up and carrying him the rest of the way to the bedroom, “Is everything alright?” He asked as he laid his mate out in the middle of the nest. 

“Yes, Malachi,” Lucifer murmured, nuzzling his face into the pillows. “Everything is more than fine.” He blinked up at his mate and the father of his unborn children with a warmth that hadn’t been there since before he and Michael fell out. 

Gabriel blinks in surprise but can’t help smiling, “What have you done, Heylel? Did you get Cas that guinea pig he’s been wanting?”

“Even better, Malachi.” Lucifer finally let a happy tear trail down his face. “I have my little moonlight back.” 

“What? How?” Gabriel asked, stunned. 

Lucifer smiled and sat up. “I had sent Castiel up for the last score I had been working on. Some menace cornered him and called him Hellspawn and probably some other derogatory nicknames to him. He came back here, lashed out, left. I cried, lashed out at Michael, then came back here. I told Dean what went on when he followed me and then I went to find Castiel. We talked. I...” Lucifer coughed briefly. “I gave him back his earliest memories, the ones Naomi hadn’t destroyed. And he took them willingly.” Tears slid down Lucifer’s face, but they were happy ones, joyous ones. “And I got him back. I got my son back.” 

Gabriel let out a whooping cry and bounced in the middle of the bed, “Hells Yes! That evil bitch didn’t get the last word.” he nearly shouted. 

“No, no she did not,” Lucifer laughed, reaching up to hug Gabriel. 

Flopping down to the nest, Gabriel pulled Lucifer into a hug and kissed him soundly, “We’ve got a right proper nest now, don’t we?” 

“Yes, yes, we do.” Lucifer smiled against his lips. “Well. . . Not quite.” He brought Gabriel’s hand down to his belly and held it there. “Not quite. Oh, by the way, you missed the first kick. Castiel was the one who felt it first.”

“That cheeky bastard.” Gabriel hissed as he massaged this spot where his hand was pressed, but his tone didn’t have venom behind it, “Snaking in on Daddy’s first kicks.” 

Lucifer chuckled warmly and closed his eyes pleasantly. “Mmm, that feels good, Malachi.”

Gabriel’s hand slid lower to broaden his strokes across Lucifer’s stomach, “You should get some sleep, sweetheart. It’s been a rough day.” 

“Stay with me?” Lucifer mumbled, his eyes already drooping closed from the events of the day and the massage. 

“Always,” Gabriel whispered, “Sam will join us soon, I’m sure.” 

“Mmkay,” Lucifer hummed sleepily. “Love you.”

“Love you, Heylel. You and the little fireflies.” Gabriel said as he kissed his brother’s forehead, rubbing and holding him until Lucifer drifted off into a much needed nap.


End file.
